Jaunt in the Park
by alicat54
Summary: How Loki, formerly of Asgard, got himself voted president of the earth. Also includes his new BFF your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman.
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: If I owned Thor, I would have made Loki the main character

This is partially based off an interview with Tom, where he tied to explain Loki's motivation in the Avengers without giving away any spoilers.

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Denial.

_It's not my fault my plan failed! _

Anger.

_Thor is to blame, if he had just stayed out of my way I would have succeeded!_

Bargaining.

_I would give anything to do it all over again, show them what kind of king I could be._

Depression.

_But who will there be left to care once I prove myself? I'm so alone. I'm not worthy to be the son of Mother and Father. I'm a monster, and what's worse I'm a failure._

Acceptance.

_No, I wanted to be a good king, but I went about it the wrong way. I was not incorrect in my plan._

_I should have explained to Sif the reason why I did not end Thor's banishment. I believed then that Fa- the AllFather sent him away as a political statement to Jotenheim. Asguard has punished leaders of unprovoked attacks against other realms before to show that they did not approve of their actions and prevent war._

_I should have expressed my concerns to Heimdall about the Warriors Three disobeying me and the political ramifications it would ignite._

_I should have warned Mother of my plan to assinate the Jotun king. Since it appeared that he was trespassing with intent to harm the AllFather, any actions taken against him would have been in self defense. _

_While the Ice Giants were busy finding the next in line to the throne, Asguard could have taken the moral high ground and cemented the peace treaty with the new king as a sign of goodwill. Jotenheim would have been so grateful that we didn't start a war for Laffey's attack, that they would have agreed._

_Thor's return, however, would have unbalanced everything. He is not one for subtlety; he would not try to understand when it is easier for him to run off hammer flying._

_I needed to keep him busy- it's not my fault the Destroyer has only two command settings 'Kill' and 'Don't Kill'. The thing walks a mile a minute, he should have been able to outrun it._

_Was I the only child to listen to stories of the last great war and tremble? Was I the only one to see the horrors in our elder's eye? If I could not spare us a war, then I could not spare our enemies. _

_I only wanted peace. _

_I still only want peace._

_But now I have a better idea of how to get it._

From a smoking crater somewhere near the north pole, a thin dark haired man stood amidst the snow for a moment then vanished.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Mortals were entirely wrong when they called Asgardian's gods, however in Loki's case the word held a bit of leeway.

Loki was a creature of magic, evident in his status as a changeling. If he wanted to appear as a wolf, the universe accomidated him. If he wanted to sound persuasive, his voice would coat itself in silver.

Thus armed, the god walked among mortals, listening to their concerns, unearthing their fears and heartfelt wants. He became a trusted confidant, a priest, a friend- whatever form he needed he took.

Loki listened.

Loki learned.

Loki dallied in that cute little cafe in Norway drinking hot chocolate.

Then Loki planned.

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	3. Chapter 3

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"Thank you Mr. Horn-Head!" Squeaked the child shrilly, before it's mother collected it and ran into the nearest building.

Loki sighed.

"Children these days, no sense of propriety. Once upon a time I used to command respect! Your Lordship Loki, Master Loki, Loki the Great- even Mr. Loki would do!"

"I keep telling you," Spiderman grunted, swinging over the snapping jaws of the dinosaurs, "that all went down hill when Kennedy refused to wear a hat at the president's inaguration."

"What?"

"Never mind." He punched another raptor in the neck.

"Is there a particular reason you summoned me here mortal?"

"Yeah well, I was kind of short on help. The Avengers are in Europe dealing with Doom, The Fantastic Four are out exploring the Dimention-whose-discovery-is-overshadowed-by-the-fact-that-it-happens-every-other-week, the X-men have gone underground, Daredevil is on the west coast, and I would call Deadpool, only I think this is all his fault to begin with."

The norse god looked at him steadily, expecting more.

"That and your new apartment was right next to the first explosion. I thought it might be another magic-y mumbo-jumbo thing."

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	4. Chapter 4

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"Hey, you know how to do that I'm-in-two-places-at-once trick, right?"

"Yes." Loki looked up from his dripping oily fingers, eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Well I kind of have a favor to ask you..." Seeing that the god was not about to interrupt, Spiderman continued. "I have a date tonight with Guin- it's our anniversary so it's kind of important and I've had the restaurant booked for nearly a year- but the Avengers have a press conference, and I was, uh, told that I can't miss that. So..."

Loki stared flatly at him. "Why should I help you with this petty concern? Especially since the Avengers contain Thor?"

Spiderman hesitated. "Um...it would make a great prank?"

The god blinked slowly. A grin pricked the corner of his stoic face.

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	5. Chapter 5

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"First of all," echoed every TV, radio, ipod, phone, and transmitter on Earth, "I'm not here to enslave mankind, destroy all humans, or any such tripe. I come in peace."

He started with an idea: world peace. Then, very matter-of-factly, Loki spoke of human corruption and ineffective governments squabbling with each other.

He paused to let his speech sink in, before calmly explained universal protocol concerning planetary rulers.

"Basically," his candid tone supplied, "other realms only recognize only one governing body to speak for the inhabitants of a planet. For example: Asgard has the AllFather, Jotenheim has a monarchy, and Niflheimr has an empress. Midgard, that is to say Earth, is considered conquerable territory."

A silent chill swept over the world.

"I thought it fitting to warn you of any incoming dangers to your home in the future. I've rather enjoyed my time here, and truly do not wish for anything to destroy this beautiful planet. Please excuse this interruption, and have a pleasant day."

With a small click and fizzle as the spell wore out, pandemonium broke loose.

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	6. Chapter 6

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Elsewhere a boy named Peter Parker face-palmed, as the wall of TVs in the store he was passing returned to their regularly scheduled programing.

"Oh my god Loki! I though I told you not to tell the humans about interplanetary politics!"

"Oh, I'm you god now?" The teen nearly jumped as a smug voice spoke from over his shoulder.

Loki smiled pleasantly. "I accept this responsibility, though I doubt it would keep you any safer than your lifestyle choices allow."

Peter scowled. "Why am I friends with you again?"

The god grinned, hands tucked in his pockets. "I believe it was your persistence which granted our relationship that title. Though, as your new god, I expect you to call me-"

"Your Royal Godliness Sir Loki of the Antlered Helmet. Yeah, yeah, I know." Unwillingly a grin twitched the teen's mouth. "So, when you get voted into the office of world ruler, will you not have time for us little peons?"

"Of course!" Loki said flippiantly, tossing his hair over his shoulder. "World management would take up much to much of my time!"

"Then I guess I'll just swing off then," Peter sighed dramatically, but his eyes betrayed his apprehension.

Sharp green eyes noticed. "That's too bad, because I had these wonderful tickets to, oh what was that event you wanted to go to..."

"The Stark Expo?" Relieved mirth spread over the teen's face. "Aw, Lok, you shouldn't have!"

"I didn't. These are for the lovely Lady Guin and myself, and whoever she wished to accompany us."

Peter punched him in the shoulder. The god didn't notice, beyond his smile stretching wider.

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	7. Chapter 7

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The Skrull invasion could not have been planned better (well not the invasion itself, Loki thought that THAT could have been planned much better if someone competent was in charge.)

It was a nice surprise to wake up one morning to the shrill screams of running mortals outside his window. Loki allowed himself a moment to revel in the chaos, before teleporting away to play hero.

Later he called the various news stations around the globe and asked for copies of their front page pictures.

He particularly liked the snapshot of himself knocking aside a blast meant for the Statue of Liberty, and though his hair was slightly askew during his jaunt in Russia, he felt it added a tone of ruggedness to his persona.

Or so the various forums on the inter-web assured him.

"Chicks dig the scruffy hair," Peter assured, nursing a bruised rib and broken arm, left over from his own defense of New York. He was stretched out across the couch in the living room of Loki's apartment.

Beside him Guin rolled her eyes and returned to the book in her lap.

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End file.
